Action/ Battle Scenes
When you write an action scene, your readers should feel their heart race and the more realism you add, the more their heart will pound and their palms will sweat and they should be terrified for their favourite characters.
There are a few ways to accomplish this, here are my personal favourites.
Write Choppy:
I know, I know. It’s instinctive to write beautiful, flowing sentences that run like a melodious stream through the ears of your audience. But in a battle, no one will notice the blueness of the sky or the soft wind in the air. Write short, choppy sentences. No fluff, no flowers. Just get it out.
Here’s a sample scene:
“I know you’re there,” the man called out, playing with a silver-handled dagger. “Come out.”
Tilmoh stepped out of the shadows, fascinated by this man who showed no fear.
“Tilmoh of the Blackest Night,” the man said softly.
“You know my name.”
“Yes.”
“And you bear silver on your person. You expected this,” Tilmoh watched him with a golden eye. His shark-esque teeth widened into a grin. “Akos of the Draga Clan. the last one with the True Sight.”
“You’ve heard of me,” it wasn’t a question. Akos drew the knife. “Then you know that I can do this!” he flipped the knife back into the sheath, making a series of three gestures. “Illumis dais, hidrenis noirhex.”
“Sigil of the Day,” Tilmoh hissed, slipping back, not far enough. A golden light began glowing from Akos’ palms and Akos threw the ball of light at Tilmoh. Tilmoh was forced from the shadows as the light illuminated the gray hills. Tilmoh was enraged as he whirled, slightly blinded. He blinked, rubbing his eyes when Akos slugged him.
“You’ll pay for that,” he stated calmly, drawing a sword. Akos stepped back, his eyes watching the blade like a cat and a piece of string. Tilmoh swung the sword, clipping Akos’ side as he tried to move. Akos cried out as Tilmoh jerked the sword out, blood spraying everywhere. He swore, his off hand clutching his side.
Tilmoh chuckled.
“You’re slower than your sons.”
“Nephews,” Akos hissed, feeling the blood bubble up through his fingers. “And if you’re here, that means Elianore is dead.”
“Yes, would you like to meet her?” Tilmoh swung the sword again. Akos ducked behind a tree. The tree withered and died where the blade slammed into it, bursting into a rotten pile of pulpy shards. Akos looked at his own wound. He had to get back into the caverns.
“Pihinare,” he whispered, watching the wavy blade. “The blade of Rot and Poison.”
“Your dragon blood protects you. Not for long,” Tilmoh swung the blade casually as he spoke in a Sing-song voice. “No elder dragons left, only fledglings.”
He had no way to defend, he could only retreat and Tilmoh stood between him and safety. Tilmoh was confident in his victory. Akos darted into the darkness, leaning on a tree.
“They are so much more than fledgelings,” he grunted. “They are full scions of the Draga, both of them. Even if I am not there to guide them, they will know the way,” he moved out of the reach of the blade, now on the other side of the clearing.
His legs trembled and he perspired heavily, every breath a silent struggle. He had to make it to the caves. He had to warn Allistor. He stepped back and fell to his knees as pain flashed through his skull, searing and hot. An unseen hand grabbed him by the hair, showing the pale white of his neck.
Choose verbs that give a sense of urgency and cut all the unnecessary information. In the scene above, we can see that Akos has no experience with defending against a sword even though it’s not explicitly said.
Use Contrast and Make your Villain seem Larger/Inhuman/Just fucking scary:
In the earlier scene, Akos’ rugged determination and fear is contrasted and foiled by Tilmoh’s easy-going, playful nature. Akos is the mouse and Tilmoh is the cat. While Tilmoh saunters, Akos darts and dodges. Tilmoh is chatty, Akos is silent.
The contrast between Antagonist (Tilmoh) and Protagonist (Akos) allows the reader to connect with his fear. Tilmoh has serrated teeth, a malformed body and yet, he still manages to wield the sword with ease and he rips into Akos, who is an experienced mage without any problems.
This is why Thanos is awesome.
He’s so big, so convinced he’s right, that the Avengers seem small by comparison.
Describe the enemy as a horde, as a monster. Our brain often dehumanizes the enemy for us and you should use this. This is why Voldemort doesn’t have a nose, why Doctor Doom wears armour. We don’t want to see the enemy as ourselves so we make them scary.
One of the biggest examples of this is the dehumanization of Hitler and other dictators. Hitler was a vegetarian, he cried when his mother died, he loved dogs. He. Was. Human. Now, I’m not supporting Hitler. Trust me, I think he’s a dick and what happened was a tragedy, but it wasn’t a monster who ordered the Holocaust.
It was a man.
A very, very, very, very, horrible man.
But still a man.
The only refute to this method is Homer’s Illiad, wherein two scenes Homer explicitly humanizes the enemy, the Trojans. One is the scene where Hector cradles his toddler son, and the toddler cries because he doesn’t recognize Hector in his armour. The other is when Priam, Hector’s father, goes and asks Achilles for Hector’s body.
They are the most human moments in the entire poem and they are committed by the enemies of Greece. And they are two of the most heartwrenching, gut-punching, human and loving moments ever put to paper.
(Other than Achilles’ rage burrito of blankets. That is the most relatable thing that happens in the Illiad)
Raise. The. Stakes.
What’s the point of a fight if there are no stakes? Are they defending their significant other or do they just love to fight?
Raise those motherfucking stakes.
Have another character place a bet, have the good ole Grim Reaper hanging out beside them. Make the hero want, no, need to win. Make them scared. Make them fight harder than anything else in the world.
Pain Sticks/ Adrenaline is not your friend
Let me run this through here: WHEN YOU GET STABBED, IT HURTS!
Pain, even the smallest amount, will stick with your combatant until the end of the fight. Don’t mention it once, bring it back up again and again.
Also, adrenaline is not your friend. It speeds your heart rate up, and your breaths are less deep, meaning that your limbs will grow tired. So before you write an action scene, do some bioresearch.
I’ll repeat myself:
Getting STABBED HURTS.
Unless you’re Deadpool. Then you’re fine.
In Conclusion
Write Choppy
Use Contrast
Raise the Stakes and make Samuel Jackson proud.
GETTING STABBED, SHOT, PUNCHED, SLAPPED, BLOWN UP or HIT WITH A MACE HURTS!
Cheers Love!
Writers Block and a Pot of Tea 